The Wizard of Oz, Ala WWF
by Ripperette
Summary: Molly and Jeff wake up in Oz!! Will they ever get back to Alabama, or will the Wicked Witch plague them while trying to get the Billion-Dollar High-Heels? (Discontinued-I'll probably pick it back up, someday...err, okay, that's a lie)
1. "What does everybody want?" BILLION-DOL...

The Wizard of Oz   
Ala WWF   
  
Brought to you By The Ripperette  
Bringing you more and more wackiness, one story at a time...   
  
Part One: "What Does Everybody Want? BILLION DOLLAR HIGH HEELS!!!"   
  
  
Molly Holly awoke to see that the room no longer appeared to be spinning, and the dull, bland fields of Alabama were no longer there, the scenery replaced by colorful fields of flowers, with what seemed to be no two flowers that were alike, and a warm, friendly sun, that seemed to smile upon everything, gracing it with natural beauty. She lightly placed a hand on the back of her head, where a bump seemed to be.   
  
Molly: Where...where am I? Oh...I remember... that horrible snowstorm, and..Huh? Jeff?!   
  
Yes, Jeff Hardy was the Jeff she spoke of. He lay curled up at the foot of the bed she was on, mumbling about 'RVD' and 'Hardcore Titles', and how 'walking under the ladder wasn't a very good idea'. Molly quickly shook him awake.   
  
Molly: Jeff, wake up!   
  
Jeff: Mmm.. gonna get'm..climb the ladder, Jeff, get the Hardcore title back... huh? *sits up, shaking his head* Molly? Whu?   
  
Molly Jeff, where are we?!   
  
Jeff looked out the window, and gasped. He took Molly by the hand, and started explaining matter-of-factly.   
  
Jeff: Molly, don't you see? We're over the Rainbow! *Molly looks at him strangely* It's so colorful here, we must have found that magical place everyone in the Skittles commercials goes to!   
  
Molly: Umm..Jeff, I think you hit your head again... how many times have we told you there's no such place as 'Skittles-Topia'?   
  
Jeff: But, Molly!! There is!! We're here right now!   
  
Suddenly, Jeff broke into song..   
  
Jeff: When all the world is a hopeless jumble   
  
And the raindrops tumble all around   
Heaven opens a magic lane   
When all the clouds darken up the skyway   
There's a rainbow highway to be found   
Leading from your window pane   
To a place behind the sun   
Just a step beyond the rain   
Molly: Umm...Jeff, I think maybe...   
  
Jeff:Somewhere over the rainbow way up high   
  
There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby   
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue   
And the dreams that you dare to dream   
Really do come true....   
Molly: JEFF!! We're not over the Rainbow, and we're not in Skittles Land!!   
  
Jeff: *somewhat indignantly* Well, one thing's for sure.   
  
Molly: Really? What's that?   
  
Jeff: We're not in Alabama anymore.   
  
Molly: Hmm...well, I guess you're right. Well, we may as well go find out where we are.   
  
Jeff and Molly then procede to find their way outside of the small house, and into the radiant, colorful, magical place they've found themselves in. As they walk around, they notice that the flowers seem to move about, with people hiding under the tall stalks. Suddenly, they notice a bubble floating towards them. They both watch as it grows to the size of a basketball, and suddenly pops. They both gasp, for, standing before them, is Al Snow in a frilly, pink dress, smiling ear to ear. Head is wearing a pink hat that looks a bit like Glenda's from the Wizard of Oz. Coincedence?   
  
Molly: What in the..   
  
Jeff: Al..?   
  
Al Snow: Tell me... *looks at Molly very seriously* Are you a good witch, or a bad witch..?   
  
Molly: Um...I'm not a witch at all, Mr. Snow... I'm Molly Holly! Remember me?   
  
Al Snow: Nope, wrong!! You're Trish Stratus, of course you're a witch! Or was that someone else...? I don't know.. too many cute blond divas.   
  
Molly: *blushes* Um, well, anyway, I'm not a witch, and I'm not Trish Stratus! Like I said...   
  
Al Snow: You're Terri? Sorry about that whole mop thing...   
  
Molly: No! I already told you! I'm Molly Holly... I'm from Alabama.   
  
Al Snow: ...so you're not the witch?   
  
Molly: *shakes head*   
  
Al Snow: *points at Jeff* Is he a witch, then?   
  
Molly: Oh, no, sir. That's Jeff, he's my friend.   
  
Al Snow: Well, I'm a little muddled, then... as I always am.... The Munchkins called me because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. And there's the house, and here you are, and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East. And so, what the Munchkins want to know is - are you a good witch or a bad witch?   
  
Molly: But, I already told you....I'm not a witch at all! Witches are old ladies. *someone is heard mumbling, and Molly looks about suddenly* What was that?!   
  
Al Snow: Those are the munchkins...*smiles brightly* They're laughing because I am a witch.. I am Al Snow, the Good Witch of.... some direction...up, or something... *suddenly turns his attention to Head, and acts as though he's listening* Oh! Thanks, Head... I'm Al Snow, the Good Witch of the North!   
  
Molly: *Looks nervously at Jeff* Um.. I beg your pardon, but I never knew that there was such a thing as a male witxh before.   
  
Al Snow: Ha! Then you apparently never researched the Salem Witch Trials!! Now, anyway, about those munchkins... They're happy, because you freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East.   
  
Molly: Oh! Well, if you don't mind, then... what is a munchkin?   
  
Jeff: Are they like midgets?   
  
Al Snow: Yes! They are the little people who inhabit Munchkin Land!! And you are their national heroine, my dear. It's all right - you may all come out and thank her...*begins to sing in high, shrill voice*Come out, come out, wherevever you are,   
  
and meet the young lady, who fell from a star. *Man different wrestlers come out of the bushes*   
She fell from the sky, she fell very far and Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.   
Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.   
Jeff: Aren't they a little big to be midgets?   
  
Chris Benoit: I'm a Canadian Midget...   
  
Test: Yup, me too.   
  
Bradshaw: I'm a Texan midget, and so is Faarooq.   
  
Molly: *continues song* It really was no miracle.   
  
What happened was just this.   
The wind began to switch - the house to pitch and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.   
Just then the Witch - to satisfy an itch went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.   
V\Bradshaw and Faarooq: And oh, what happened then was rich.   
  
The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch. It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch,   
Lance Storm and Test:Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.   
  
Who began to twitch and was reduced to just a stitch of what was once the Wicked Witch.   
Steve Blackman: I'm not Canadian or from Texas... *Al gives him a look that screams 'Guilt Trip', and Steve says, in tune to the song:* We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.. *Molly and Jeff are helped into a Horse-drawn carriage*   
  
Trish: *kisses Jeff on the cheek, causing him to blush* You've killed her so completely, that we thank you very sweetly.   
  
Al Snow: *gets everyone's attention* Let the joyous news be spread, that wicked old bitch is finally dead!!   
  
Benoit: *with little emotion* Ding Dong! The bitch is dead.   
  
Faarooq: Which old bitch?   
  
Bradshaw:The Wicked bitch!   
  
All the Munchkins:Ding Dong! That stupid bitch is dead.   
  
Undertaker:Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.   
  
Wake up, that stupid bitch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go...   
Benoit:Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.   
  
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, *a midget runs by and hits him in the genitals with a hockey stick* Argh! Low Blow!!   
Let them know   
The Wicked Witch is dead!   
The cart is pulled around Muchkinland. Finally, Molly and Jeff hop out of the cart, and walk up some steps, until they come to Stone Cold Steve Austin.   
  
Stone Cold: As Mayor of the Munchkin City, In the County of the Land of Oz, I welcome you most regally.   
  
Bradshaw: But we've got to verify it legally, to see..   
  
Stone Cold: Whut?   
  
Bradshaw: If she...   
  
Stone Cold: Whut?   
  
Faarooq: Is morally, damndambly.   
  
Bradshaw: Spiritually, physically...   
  
Faarooq: Positively, absolutely   
  
Bradshaw: Undeniably and reliably Dead.   
  
Lance *music pauses* If I can be serious for a minute...*music starts back up* As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her. And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.   
  
Stone Cold: Well...I'm so proud.... lookit at ya... You all make me so proud... Now, I say *pauses*...what? I SAID, Then this is a day of Independence For all the Munchkins and their descendants...Let that goddamm news be spread, that stupid old bitch at last is dead!   
  
The dancing continues into the square, where they all form a circle and start singing. Lita, Trish, and Jacqueline suddenly dance out.   
  
Lita, Trish, and Jackie: We represent the Lullaby League,   
  
The Lullaby League,   
The Lullaby League   
And in the name of the Lullaby League,   
We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland. *each diva hands Molly a rose*   
And, now, Matt, Spike Dudley, and Hurricane Helms dance out. Spike is carrying a huge-ass Lollipop.   
  
Al Snow: Please ignore that none of those men are Canadian or Texan.   
  
Matt, Spike and Helms:We represent the Lollypop Guild,   
  
The Lollypop Guild,   
The Lollypop Guild   
And in the name of the Lollypop Guild,   
We wish to welcome you to Muchkinland. *Spike hands Molly a Lollipop, and Molly hugs Spike. Awwww.*   
Beniot, Blackman, and Test, all in off-key voices:We welcome you to Munchkinland, Tra la la la la la la   
  
From now on you'll be history.   
You'll be history, you'll be history, you'll be history.   
And we will glorify your name.   
You will be a bust, be a bust, be a bust   
In the Hall of Faaaaaaaaaaaame!   



	2. "We could so TOTALLY use a brain!!" "Ye...

The Wizard of Oz   
Ala WWF   
  
Brought to you By The Ripperette  
Bringing you more and more wackiness, one story at a time...   
  
Part Two: "We Could So TOTALLY Use a Brain!!" "Yeah, we could!!"   
  
  
Suddenly, a huge puff of grey smoke appears, and Shanomac, the Wicked Witch of the West, is standing, with his face completely green, along with the rest of his skin. All the 'munchkins' scatter, hiding where they can. Test, being of little intellect, stands with a lampshade over his head. Chris Benoit jumps into a pond and pretends to be a frog. Matt holds up a big solid strip of nylon. Rhyno Gores Spike through a wall, quickly hiding in a broom closet with Perry and Moppy. Spike hides under a table, which is unfortunatly broken in two as Buh Buh and D-Von 'help' Dean Malenko find a hiding spot.   
  
Shane: Stupid green mist...I'll get that stupid Tajiri! And his little boss, too! Er, ahem..   
  
Molly: *huddled around Al Snow, along with Jeff, like a frightened child* I thought you said she was dead.   
  
Al Snow: Ooooh, no, that was his sister... the wicked *coughs*BITCH!*coughs* Witch of the East... This is Shane McMahon, the Wicked Witch of the West. *pats Molly and Jeff on the head*   
  
Shane: Who killed my sister? Who killed Stephanie? Was it you? *looks at Molly Holly*   
  
Molly: No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to hurt anybody, much less kill someone... I'm sorry, I-   
  
Shane: *cuts off Molly* Well, I can cause accidents too!! But, believe me, I won't be sorry!! *cackles*   
  
Jeff: That sounds really dumb when you say it...   
  
Al Snow: Aren't you forgetting the Billion-Dollar High-Heels?   
  
Shane: The Billion-Dollar High-Heels - yes! *walks over to the house, and starts to try and take an awfully cute pair of high heels off of two legs which protrude from underneath the house, but the legs roll under, and the Billion-Dollar High-Heels disappear* The shoes! They're gone! The high-heels! What did you do with them, Snow? Give them back to me or I'll -   
  
Al Snow:Ha, ha!! Too Late! Too late!! Nyah, Nyah!! *smiles like a big nerd and points at Moly's feet, which are now bearing the cute, shiny, pink high heels, which match much better with Molly's cute pink shirt and black flares than they probably ever will with anything Stephanie wears.*   
  
Molly: Oh!   
  
Shane: Give me my Billion-Dollar High-Heels! I'm the only one that knows how to use them...you, you ho!! You bitch!! They're of no use to you, you Holly-Harlot!! Mine!! Minemineiminemine-*gets cut off as he hops around in a temper tantrum, and his voice gets all raspy and sounds like Vince's*   
  
Al Snow We are rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off us and sticks to you!! Get that? All those nasty things you just called Molly are gonna getcha!! And, Molly, keep those Billion-Dollar High-Heels on! Their magic must be very powerful or Shane-o-Mac wouldn't wanna get them...although, one would wonder what the The "Boy" Wonder wants with High-Heels...   
  
Shane: You stay out of this, Al, or I'll...er...   
  
Al Snow: Ho, Ho-oh, Tanenbaum, you have no power here. Be gone before somebody drops a house on you, too! *sting music as everyone glances to the sky, anticipating a house-shaped hazzard*   
  
Shane:: Very well, I'll bide my time-and as for you, Molly! I can't get rid of you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way - just try! I'll get you, my pretty...*glances at Jeff* And your little dog, too! Er, I mean...you little, uh...And your little Hardy, too!!! *cackles, as another smoke puff booms out, and Shane disappears*   
  
Al Snow: *loudly, as if making a speech* It's all right. You can get up. Shane's gone. It's all right. You can all get up. Pooh - what a smell of sulphur! *to Molly and Jeff* I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked Witch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll be.   
  
Molly: Oh, I'd give anything to get of Oz altogether, but - which is the way back to Alabama?   
  
Jeff: We can't go the way we came.   
  
Al Snow: Hmmm.....that's true.   
  
Kurt Angle: Oh, it's damn true!!   
  
Al Snow: The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful Wizard of Oz himself.   
  
Molly: The Wizard of Oz?   
  
Kanyon: Who better than Kanyon? Oz is actually better!!!   
  
Jeff: Is he good or mean, or bad, or..?   
  
Al Snow: Oh, very good, but very mysterious. He lives in Madison-Emerald Square Garden-City and that's a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick with you?   
  
Molly: No, I'm afraid I didn't.   
  
Perry: Moppy is beautiful, because broomsticks can fly!! You're Welcome!!   
  
Al Snow: Well, then, you'll have to walk. The Munchkins will see you safely to the border of Munchkinland. And remember, never let those Billion-Dollar High-Heels off your feet for a moment, or you will be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch of theWest.   
  
Molly and Jeff:But - how do we get to Madison-Emerald Square Garden-City?   
  
Glinda: It's always best to start a the beginning - and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road.   
  
Molly: But what happens if I -   
  
Al Snow: Just follow the Yellow Brick road, Jeff Hardy and Molly Holly... may the force be with you....*goes cross-eyed and disappears*   
  
Munchkins: Goodbye, Goodbye!   
  
Dorothy: My! People come and go so quickly here! Follow the Yellow Brick Road...? *sees a yellow-brick road* Follow the Yellow Brick Road...   
  
Stone Cold: Follow the-What? Follow the Yellow Brick Road!   
  
Trish: *hugs Jeff quickly* Follow the Yellow Brick Road!   
  
Rhyno: Follow the Yellow Brick Road...*smirks at Lillian Garcia, who curls a lip in disgust*   
  
Benoit: Follow the Yellow Brick Road.   
  
Test and Lance and Benoit:Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.   
  
Follow, follow, follow, follow,   
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.   
Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick,   
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.   
Rhyno and Kanyon and Helms:You're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.   
  
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.   
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,   
Because, because, because, because, because.   
Because of the wonderful things he does.   
All of the Munchkins:You're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oooooooooooozz!!!   
  
As Molly and Jeff are just out of hearing range, Lillian, being glomped around the waist by Rhyno, tries to run forward, shouting, "TAKE ME WITH YOU!! PLEASE!!!!"   
  
Molly and Jeff have been walking for a while, but they've just now come to a fork in the road, with two scarecrows hanging right in the center front of the field of corn which starts to separate the two paths. Molly and Jeff look to either paths, confused as heck.   
  
Jeff: Well...which way...?   
  
Molly: I don't know...oh, how are we supposed to know which way is better and quicker!! *They both look down back the way they came, considering if they should ask the munchkins*   
  
Suddenly, one of the scarecrows points in one direction, past the scarecrow to the left of himself with his right hand.   
  
Edge: That direction SO reeks of awesomeness!!   
  
Molly and Jeff turn around suddenly. Jeff points at the Scarecrow, and looks at Molly.   
  
Molly: Jeff, don't be silly, Scarecrows can't...   
  
Christian: And that direction totally rules all!! *points to his right, past Edge, with his left arm*   
  
Jeff and Molly stare, as E&C are still pointing, and talk at the same time.   
  
E&C: But both directions are pretty cool!!   
  
Molly: ........   
  
Jeff: Edge...Christian...y'know, can't you two make up our minds and give us one right direction?   
  
Edge: But..we don't have a brain...not even between the two of us.   
  
Christian: It's hard to make up your mind when you don't have one. You Hardy's should know all about that!!   
  
Jeff: Then how come you two are stuck up there, while I'm free to walk around?   
  
Molly: Jeff, be nice! They might be able to help us!!   
  
Edge: Hey, we are TOTALLY okay with helping full-on scortch-cakes like you, Molly!   
  
Christian: And if we can help you, then we can SO deal with Jeff...he's not as annoying as Matt, anyway!!   
  
Edge: Totally! *Him and Christian slap each other a high-five*   
  
Molly: Thanks!! Um...could you help us?   
  
Edge: If you can get us off of these poles, then we can totally help you guys find a way to the right path!!   
  
Molly: *smiles* Thanks!!   
  
Jeff: But they have no brains-   
  
Molly: *hushes Jeff and help Edge and Christian down*   
  
Unfortunatly for Jeff and Molly, as they help E&C down, they both roll down the little hill that's below them, landing on their little tushes. Molly and Jeff quickly help them back up, and Edge and Christian lean on eachother for support.   
  
Edge: Dude, if we don't get brains, we may never learn how to balance and walk and stuff! *Christian Nods*   
  
Molly: Well, besides walk and balance and talk, what would you two do if you had brains?   
  
Edge and Christian: Do? Why, if we had brains...We could while away the hours, winning titles with all our powers,   
  
Causin' our opponents pain..   
Edge: And my head I'd be scratchin' while my thoughts were busy hatchin'   
If I only had a brain...   
  
Christian: I'd unravel every riddle.. for any individ'le,   
In Canada or in Spain.   
  
Molly: With the thoughts you'd be thinkin', You could both be another Lincoln!   
  
Jeff: If you guys only had some brains...   
  
Edge: Oh, we could tell you why   
The ocean's near the shore.   
We could think of things we'd never thunk before.   
  
E&C: And then we'd sit, *both of their legs give out, and they land back on their cute little bottoms* and think some more.  
We would not be just some nuthins, our heads all full of stuffins...   
  
Christian:Our hearts all full of pain.   
We could dance, and be happy, life would be all about flash-photography...   
  
Edge: Hey, that didn't rhyme too well.   
  
Christian: Well... I could think of something better for our song if we... if we had...   
  
Edge:: If we had what? *he suddenly realizes what Christian's talking about, and they both straggle to their feet, and lean on eachother, and sing out...*   
  
E&C: If weeeee ooonlyyyy haaad a braaaaaaaaiiiiiiiin...   
  
Molly and Jeff both look awfully touched by Edge and Christian's little song, but before they can break out their hankies, they both realize something.   
  
Jeff: I don't know why I wanna help you guys...but we're going to see the Wizard of Oz.   
  
Molly: He could get you a brain! We're gonna go ask him to send us back to Alabama... that's where our WWF gig was at last I checked. We were both hanging out at my older cousin Hardcore's ranch...   
  
Edge: He could get us brains?   
  
Christian: Two of em'? For both of us?   
  
Molly: Yup!! Oh...but maybe you shouldn't...we have an angry witch after us...   
  
Edge: We're not afraid of witches! We're not afraid of anything... er...except... Scissors! Someone might try and hack off our beautiful, long hair..   
  
Molly: I don't blame you guys for that!   
  
Jeff: Me niether...for once.   
  
Edge: But...we'd face a whole salon full of 'em to get some brains!   
  
Christian: Totally! But, if we turned into ugly, geeky computer nerds with bad complexions after we get em;...well, that's unlikely! There's tons of smart cute guys, I'm sure!!   
  
Molly: Right!!! So, all of us!!   
  
Christain, Edge, Jeff and Molly: Weeeeeee're, off to see the Wizard!   
The wonderful Wizard of Oz!!   
If ever if ever a wiz there was,   
The wizard of Oz is one becuase   
Becuase, because, because, because, becaaaaauuuuse..   
Becouse of the wonderful things he does!!   



	3. "Tables, and Ladders, and Chairs, Oh My!...

  
The Wizard of Oz  
  
Ala WWF  
  
Brought to you By The Ripperette  
Bringing you more and more wackiness, one story at a time...  
  
Chapter Three: "Tables, and Ladders, and Chairs, Oh My! (As if you didn't see it coming..)"  
  
  
  
As always, our heroes (and heroine (But not the Drugs!) ) are walking along the Yellow-Brick road. Molly suddenly spots an apple tree, and jogs over.  
  
Molly: Hey, look! Apples!! *she plucks a bright red apple off of the tree. Suddenly, a branch of the apple tree slaps her on the back of the hand, and snatches away the apple*  
  
Tree that looks suspiciously like Eddie Guerrerro #1: Chica, what do you think you're doing with my manzanas?  
  
Molly: Well, we've been walking and I was a little bit hungry...*suddenly looks up at Tree* Did you just... Eddie Guerrerro?!  
  
Tree that looks suspiciously like Eddie Guerrerro #1: You hear that, mis hombres? She was hungry!!  
  
Tree that looks suspiciously like Eddie Guerrerro #2: Mamacita, if you want some Latino manzanas, go to a market, eh!!  
  
Edge: C'mon, Molly..you don't want THOSE apples!!  
  
Eddie Tree #1: Essa, what are you saying about my manzanas?  
  
Christian: Well, she probably doesn't like worms!!  
  
Scotty: *runs off and cries* Oh, cruel world!!  
  
Eddie Guerrerro Tree #2: You don't like my manzanas? Too bad!! We're gonna peg you, my brother, cause we're Latin!!  
  
Everyone runs away from the 'manzanas' as the Eddie trees throw them, with the Latino Heat song suddenly playing in the distance.  
  
Edge: Well, we got apples.... or monsoons, or whatever that dumb tree called them. But still, they probably have a buncha dumb worms.  
  
Scotty: WAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!  
  
Of course, everyone knows that Scotty isn't dumb, and he doesn't live in monsoons. Besides, everyone likes Scotty. So, as everyone gets their damn storms, or fruit, or whatever, Molly suddenly bumps into someone.  
  
Molly: Eh? *looks up*  
  
Christian: No, Edge and me are Canadian, we say 'Eh'!  
  
Molly: EEEK!!  
  
Jeff: *gasps* Moll! What's wrong?!   
  
As everyone runs over to Molly, they quickly stop, Jeff even hopping in front of Molly for her own protection, as The Big Red Machine stands before them.  
  
Edge: Oh my God, it's Kane!!  
  
Christian: You may have sounded like JR saying that, but it's true!! Mommy!! *him and Edg hug, and shy away from Kane*  
  
Jeff: You leave Molly alone!  
  
Kane quickly backs away, holding up his hands in his defense, and shaking his head.  
  
Kane: I don't want to hurt anyone!! Not today...  
  
Molly: You don't? Well, not to say we aren't grateful, but...why not?  
  
Jeff: Is he sick?  
  
Kane: No, I'm not sick. But...  
  
Molly: 'But?' It's okay, Mr. Kane, you can tell us!! *looks to everyone, and they all nod nervously* See? We'll listen! *she leads Kane by the arm over to a tree stump, and sits him down*  
  
Kane: Well, I'm a little scared.  
  
Molly: Scared?! You? Golly, if something scares you, Kane, I'd like to know what, if you don't mind!!  
  
Kane: Well...  
  
Jeff: It's okay, we won't laugh. I used to be afraid of hights when I was little!!  
  
Edge: Yeah, we're all afrad of something!! For example, I'm afraid of you! No offense.  
  
Christian: And I fear midgets!  
  
Kane: Well...I'm scared of who I am. I don't wanna be some Big Red 'Machine', who is always happy when he's beating on little people. Everyone says that, well, I'm....heartless...and I don't want to be!!  
  
  
Song Cue!!  
  
Kane: *in big deep voice* When a man likes killing cattle,   
He should be tough and brittle,  
And yet I'm torn apart.  
Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kind-a-human,  
If I only had heart.  
I'd be tender - I'd be gentle. And awful sentimental  
And stop burning down K-Mart.  
I'd let people live to see tomarrow ... and stop filling them with sorrow,  
If I only had a heart.  
Picture me - a balcony. Above a voice sings low.  
  
High Girly Voice: Wherefore art thou, Romeo?   
  
Kane: I hear a beat....  
How sweet.  
Just to register emotion, jealousy - devotion,  
And really feel the part.  
I could stay young and chipper and I'd lock it with a zipper,  
If I only had a heart.  
  
During the song, everyone looks like they've just seen Kane in a new light. Also, Molly whispers something to everyone, and after the song, takes one of Kane's hands.  
  
Molly: Y'know, we were just wondering why you couldn't come with us to Madison-Emerald Square Garden-City and ask the Wizard for a heart!!  
  
Kane: Well, suppose he decides he'd rather chokeslam me through the Titantron, instead.  
  
Jeff: Nuh-uh!! He's s'posed to help Molly and I find a way to Alabama to get back to Hardcore Holly's ranch, and he's gonna get these two, uh...*looks at E&C for a moment*...Canadians...get a brain!!   
  
Molly: Al Snow said the Wizard could!!  
  
Utter Silence. Edge and Christian's constant smiles suddenly fade. So does Molly and Jeff's.  
  
Molly: ...you know, that sounded strangly...unassuring, I'm sure...But you know, Al's really a nice man, and he would tell us the truth!!  
  
Everyone nods in agreement.  
  
Kane: ...I guess I'll see what this wizard can do, then. Besides, if you guys have come this far already, then he should give you what you want. Or else, I'll tear him limb from...  
  
Suddenly, a high, eeeevil cackle resounded throughout the forest. And, as they look at the rooftop of a nearby cottage, they see none other than-*sting music*-Shane McMahon, the Wicked Witch of the West!!! Oh, No!!   
  
Shane: You call that long? Why, you've just begun. Helping the little lady and the silly Hardy along, are you, my fine gentlemen? Well, stay away from her! Or...*points at Edge and Christian* Or...er, I'll...wack you with a kendo stick!!  
  
Edge and Christian: *disgusted looks*  
  
Shane: And you!! *points at Kane* To you, I'll...er....I....  
  
Kane: *breathes heavily*  
  
Shane: ...uhh...Yeah!! You had just better be scared of Shane-o-mac!! Hey, E&C!! Wanna play ball? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaa! *cackles and throws a big bag labled 'Dork-Chop' at Edge and Christian, from which they promptly shriek and run away*  
  
Edge: AAAAHHHHH THAT'S SO TOTALLY HEINOUS!!  
  
Christian: THIS REEKS OF STINKTITUDE!!  
  
Before the Dork-Bag can do any real damage, however, it's contents (Steve Blackman and Matt Hardy) scurry off.  
  
Jeff: ..Matt?!  
  
Molly: Jeff, I'm beginning to think this is a silly place...  
  
Jeff: Begining?  
  
Edge: Well, they're trying to get rid of our charisma again, eh? Well, I'll show him!!   
  
Christian: Totally!! Beat us with a kendo stick, bah!  
  
Kane: I'm not scared of his empty threats. I'll make sure he doesn't get you kids whether I get a heart or not!! Kane scared of Shane-o-mac, psh!!  
  
Molly: Wow...it's great having friends like you guys!!  
  
Kane: ...friend? Me?  
  
Jeff: Y'know, all of you are our friends!! E and C too!!  
  
Edge: Wow... this is a day of huge magnitutions!!  
  
Christians: Yeah! The day that even a Hardy accepts that we totally rule! And, a Hardy actually manages to rule, too!  
  
Molly: Well, come on, everyone! To Oz?  
  
E&C, Jeff and Kane; To Oz!!  
  
Everyone, as they skip off into the deeper, darker, more foreboding parts of the forest, despite the obvious danger, sings merrily.  
  
Everyone: Weeeeeee're, off to see the Wizard!  
The wonderful Wizard of Oz!!  
If ever if ever a wiz there was,  
The wizard of Oz is one becuase  
Becuase, because, because, because, becaaaaauuuuse..  
Becouse of the wonderful things he does!!  
  
Of course, by now, it's almost pitch black. Little and no light is showing, and all of the younger and cuter (Not Kane, in example) members of our little pack are getting a little nervous. Finally, Molly gets up enough courage to speak up.  
  
Molly: When does it get lighter around here?  
  
Edge: Well, we don't know for sure...  
  
Christian: ...but I think it'll get darker before it gets lighter.  
  
Molly: Y-you don't think we'll come across anything dangerous, do you?  
  
Kane: Probably.  
  
Edge: Ones that eat Canadians?!  
  
Kane: No, but we might get put through some tables. After getting dragged up ladders. And chaired.  
  
Edge: Put through tables?!  
  
Christian: After the ladder?  
  
Jeff: And chairs?!  
  
Molly: Oh, my!!  
  
All the guys: Tables, and ladders and chairs!  
  
Molly: Oh, my!  
  
Of course, they continue with their little chant. It gets a bit annoying. In, fact, it eventually gets so monotonous, that a certain individual can stand it no longer...  
  
Jericho: Would you puuuh-leeeaaazze....SHUT!! THE HELL!!! UP!!!  
  
Everyone shrieks a little, and look up at Jericho, who is standing on a rock.  
  
The Rock: Will you stop standing on the Great one!! You rooooody poooo-  
  
Jericho: I'll say it again-SHUT!! THE HELL!! UP!!  
  
Everyone is completely quiet, hoing Jericho doesn't use his near-fatal mic skills.  
  
Jericho: I mean, seriously! What is this? *points at Molly and Jeff who are hugging, and E&C, who are hugging, and hiding behind Kane* A field trip? Well, maybe you jackasses didn't know, but I happen to go by the name of-  
  
The Rock suddenly throws Jericho off his back!!  
  
The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!!  
  
Jericho: Rock, do you wanna mess with Y2J problem?! Because, I can tell you, after you go one on one, with me...you will neverr...*somewhere, an audience is heard saying, 'EEEEVEEEER'*...eeeverr!! Be the same...again!!  
  
Our group of heroes get confused, as they don't know who to cheer for, as an exchange goes back and forth.  
  
The Rock: Whoa whoa whoa, you want to come on The Rock's Show, without introducing yourself, son? What's your name?  
  
Jericho: * along pause. Finally, he says very quickly, as not to get cut off:* ChrisJericho.  
  
The Rock: IT DOES....damn!!  
  
Jericho: Now, come on, now, lighten up, junior! You didn't really think you could get that old line past the Ayatollah of Rock'n'Rollaah, did you?  
  
The Rock: So, hold on now...you think that you can get past the Rock, just like that?  
  
Jericho: I don't just think, I-  
  
The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!!!  
  
Jericho: *pauses, as if going over his last sentence*..I don't just think... HEY! I just said I didn't just think that, so why did you say it doesn't matter?  
  
The Rock: I..uh...IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY I SAID IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YO THINK EVEN THOUGH...ugh...  
  
Jericho: ...my head hurts...I can't think of a way to carry on this promo without going of forever...  
  
The Rock: The Rock agrees with you on that.  
  
Both Y2J and The Rock suddenly sit down, and look very sad. Edge shakes his head.  
  
Edge: You guys have, like, no modesty!!  
  
Christian: Yeah! You couldn't get modesty if you wanted it!!  
  
Molly: *gasps* Edge, Christian, you two are right!!  
  
Edge and Christian: ..Uhh...we..are?  
  
Molly: Suppose you two went to the wizard to get modesty?  
  
The Rock: Molly, the Rock doesn't need modesty.  
  
Jericho: Mod-est-ee....hmmm...modesty...what's that?  
  
Christian: It's, like, that thing where, uh..  
  
Edge: You act like you really don't like yourself that much, but in fact, you do, you're just saying it to make people stop hating you.  
  
Jericho: *gasp* People hate me?!  
  
Molly: Well, if you had modesty, you wouldn't think that!!  
  
Jericho: Hmm...this...modesty....modesty...hmm...where can I get some?!  
  
Molly looks at Jeff. Jeff looks at Edge. Edge is too busy trying to get The Rock to let him try on his shades. So is Christian. But Everyone else knows what they're gonna do.  
  
Molly: We can't give you any...but we know a man who can give you all the modesty you need!!  
  
Jericho: I take it then that he could also give me a better explanation of what modesty is?  
  
Jeff: Yup!! He's the Wizard of Oz!!  
  
Jericho: The wizard?! Then, by all means!! Take me with you guys!!  
  
Christian: Right!!  
  
Edge: Let's go!!  
  
Edge and Christian quickly run off, with the Rock yelling at them.  
  
The Rock: The Great One says to just brin back his shades!!  
  
Molly: *giggles* Well, let's go!!  
  
Molly, Jeff, Jericho, and Kane link arms and hop off singing, as E&C continue running ahead of the Rock.  
  
Everyone: Weeeeeee're, off to see the Wizard!  
The wonderful Wizard of Oz!!  
If ever if ever a wiz there was,  
The wizard of Oz is one becuase  
Becuase, because, because, because, becaaaaauuuuse..  
Becouse of the wonderful things he does!!  
  
The Rock: *motions to 'Just Bring It'* Give me my sunglasses!! Oh...those roooody poooos!! *turns towards camera. Pauses. Does the People's Eyebrow. Slowly fades from sight.*   
  
  
End of part three! Now, a note from the writer!  
  
Ripperette: *standing with Raziel at her side* Now, lemme just explain that I really am sorry Jericho didn't sing. But we had this little problem with a certain...well, Raziel, help me explain this.  
  
Raziel: Well, you see, there's a bit of a problem with a certain singer by the name of Moongoose McQueen.  
  
Ripperette: I don't know if you've heard of him...he's from the rock band Fozzy? Well, he claims that if Jericho sings a solo song, he'd sue us, because Chris poses off of him.  
  
Raziel: But, with a little debating....don't thank me, thank my death threats.  
  
Ripperette: And a little deal-making...we convinced the flambouyant frontman to allow us to let Y2J sing with everyone else!! And, now, there's Fozzy's side of the deal...here's ours!!  
  
Raziel and Ripperette hold up signs...  
  
Raziel: *holding a sign that says: WWW.FOZZYROCK.COM*  
  
Ripperette: *Holds up a sign reading: I'M A FOZZY-FLOOZY* There! Now, go see Fozzy live!!   
  
Raziel: *sighs* Tickets on sale now, check FozzyRock.com for information on a Fozzy concert near you!!  
  
Moongoose: *suddenly hops in between Raziel and The Ripperette* And remember-Chris Jericho is nothing but an assclown!! A wannabe!! Idolize me!! I invented rock and roll!!  
  
  
  



End file.
